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Am I going or not? Answer me Lord…please.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.  Psalm 34:4

I’ve been wrestling with making a decision.  As I have shared the process in my mind and with others, I have been given sorted advice.  Very practical advice such as make a list of pros and cons, and “if it feels right just do it” and “why not go?”  While all of this makes sense and the decision was very practical, I could not seem to find peace.  The decision I was trying to make was in regards to a trip to Italy.  Italy, why not go if you can? Can you feel my battle?

I decided I needed three people to confirm my trip to go; my boss, my financial advisor, and a friend.  In this process, my boss not only gave me the thumbs up to go but paid time off!  My financial advisor helped me to rearrange some things and find the money.  You would think that was all indication for a green light but I still didn’t find peace.  Then I spoke to my friend.  He gave me something to think about.  Through our conversation I realized that it all came down to companionship.  You see Italy is on my “bucket list”.  It is one of those things that I want to do before I die.  This trip to Italy was a guided tour with a Christian singles group.  At first that seemed like fun, I could meet new people in my stage of life, Christian singles and 40ish, very adventurous.  But then after some thought and the wisdom of my friend I realized that I really wanted to share a trip like that with someone special.  Some things in life are not fully experienced unless shared with someone.

Avery and I have had some awesome experiences together, tour of Israel, driving to California, and our last summer 8-baseball stadium 13-day road trip.  All of which would not have been momentous if I didn’t get to share it with her.  I realized a trip to Italy would not be the same without sharing it with someone I love to be with.  I waited over three weeks for the Lord to show me if I should go or not. “We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.  In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name,” Psalm 33:20-21.

Today, He spoke this to my heart, “Tina, it takes more faith NOT to go to Italy than to go.”  God was asking me to have faith not to go and to believe that some day I would get to go to Italy and share it with someone special.  Not going today was having the faith to believe that I would go with greater blessing in the future.  God was true to His word to me today.

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.  Psalm 34:8


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